R-Type III: The Third Lightning

Genre:	Side-Scrolling Shooter
Developer:	Raylight Studios
Publisher:	Destination Software
Release Date:	15 March 2004
Released On:	GBA

Amazing Ben Describes the Plot in 10 Words or Less: 

Pilot spaceship.  Destroy other spaceships.

Overview: 

I should preface this review by informing you that I'm a huge fan of the shooter genre.  I grew up on games like Tyrian, Xevious, Galaga, Life Force, Gradius, 1943 and the like.  Essentially, if it's got some sort of fighter plane blasting the crap out of ten million moving objects at the same time, I'm all over it like short on a circus midget.  Despite my affection for shooting games however, I had never actually played any of the R-Types before this one.  I understand that this is supposed to be a port of the SNES version of R-Type III, but since I've never played that one I don't really have any frame of reference here.  That said, here we go.

R-Type III sucks.  I'm not really sure what "The Third Lightning" in the title is supposed to mean, but I think it has something to do with the fact that whenever you play this game for more than twenty minutes you get the strange urge to be killed in a thunderstorm.  Allow me to explain.

Shooting games are designed to test your reflexes and push your fast-twitch muscle fibers to their very limit, even to the point where you have to put down the game and go convulse in the corner like a junkie going through withdrawal while you try to gather your wits.  Good shooters will make you keep track of fifty thousand things on screen at the same time and then force you to find some way to negotiate your way through it or be blasted into tiny fragments of mediocre pilot-ness.  However, there's a very fine line between "having to react quickly" and "having to memorize the entire level in order to finish it" and R-Type III is far too close to the latter.  There are several sections of the game where bars and walls come flying in out of nowhere and destroy your ship without even giving you the chance to say "holy shit!".  As if this isn't difficult enough, throw in the fact that your ship's hitbox is larger than that actual ship - meaning that you can get blown up by things that don't actually touch you but just get "pretty close" to touching you - and you've got a recipe for frustration and possibly a broken Game Boy, especially considering that at any many points there are tons of bullets and enemies on the screen at the same time.  Good shooters require you to manipulate your hitbox, and it's impossible to do that when you have no fucking clue where it even is.

If you die (and you will... frequently and for no good reason), you might as well just restart the level or hang yourself.  There's a typical weapon upgrade system that allows you to collect items to take your crappy peashooter laser and turn it into something that can actually penetrate enemy ships' armor but if you die you not only lose everything, but you also get sent back to one of possibly two spawn points on the level (none of which are located near any kind of powerups).  So if the boss kills you, you're going to have to do half the level over again.  It's irritating to say the least.

The graphics are top-notch for the Game Boy, but the level design is very boring.  There are many points where you're just flying around with nothing to even shoot at and the game just seems like some sort of retarded flight simulator or a Discovery Channel special on the Space Shuttle or something.  You're forced to watch the generic metal hallways fly by and think about how cool it would be if you were playing a different game.

Another beef I have with this game is that you can't hold the button down to keep firing.  Holding it down charges your gun for a super blast that takes such a long time to power up that you'll probably never use it.  Instead, you're forced to hammer the button every time you want to fire (which is usually pretty often) and essentially wear out both your A button and your thumb in about two minutes of gameplay.  If I'm going to break my Game Boy and give myself Carpal Tunnel Syndrome I want it to be for a good game, thanks.

X-Tremeness Level: 

Falling off an unmoving skateboard and fracturing your wrist.

Overall Badassitude Score: 

I can't in good conscience give a 0 to a shooting game if for no other reason than by virtue of the fact that the entire game is designed for you to blow the shit out of everything you see.  That's a pretty hardcore concept.  The execution just leaves something to be desired.

  

SCORE:  1 out of a possible 5 Tomahawk Cruise Missiles.

Addictiveness: 

RATING:  Getting hit in the face with the claw end of a hammer.

It's not pleasant, and it doesn't really do anything to endear itself to you.

Multiplayer Component: 

None.

Hot Andrea's Take: 

"What are you so pissy about today?"

Awesometer Score: 

-6

If you're dying for a good portable shooter, it might temporarily satisfy your fix.  Then again, it might also make you throw your Game Boy in a fit of rage and grievously wound an unsuspecting elderly person or their dog.