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This is the place to rock for information regarding Amazing Ben's Video Game Reviews.  There are several things in this travesty of a video game review website that will probably require an explanation, so I'm just going going to format this page like it was a list of Frequently Asked Questions (called "FAQs" by those of us in "the biz") despite the fact that none of these questions have ever actually been asked of me by anyone ever.



Q:  Why are all of these games wicked old?

A:  I generally don't pay full price for games.  I usually wait until they've gone down in price and buy them used, either from Amazon, Ebay or GameStop because I'm totally cheap and also broke as hell.  In the interest of relevancy I've decided that I will try to keep the reviews to games that have been released this millennium, so don't expect to see anything that came out before January 2001.  If there's something you'd like for me to review, you can always contribute to my PayPal account by clicking the link below and letting me know what you want to see.  I promise you that 100% of the proceeds from that account will go to the purchase of new video games for the purpose of review.




Q:  Ok, then why do you use NES games for your logo if you aren't going to review them?

A:  Even though all the games in that image are cool, it would be pointless to review a title for a system that is no longer in production.  Sorry.  The old games rule, but if you haven't played them by now, you aren't going to be able to appreciate them for everything they've meant to the history of gaming.

Q:  Can you tell me how to beat this one part I'm stuck on in this game?

A:  No.  Go to GameFAQs.com.

Q:  Why don't you have screenshots or gameplay footage?

A:  If I tell you a game is good, you should just unquestioningly buy it without ever even seeing as much as a picture of the box art.  If you want to be a jackass about it though, IGN.com is a good place to go to see stuff like that because they have infinite bandwidth.  I'm not a multi-bazillionaire so I can't afford to chuck out fifty bucks a month just so that you can see a video of a fat plumber jumping over an oversized bullet with a face painted on it.  Sorry.

Q:  Am I going to read something that I don't want to read?

A:  Only if the thing you don't want to read is a review that kicks ass.  I think it sort of defeats the purpose of reviewing a game if you're going to give away the entire plot, so generally I'll leave stuff like that out.  So don't expect to see any spoilers here.  There's bound to be some swearing though, but if you can't deal with that you're in the wrong place anyways.

Q:  Why don't you talk about Xbox Live or review some MMORPGs?

A:  I utterly despise playing games online with people I don't know.  I understand that it's all the rage amongst the kiddies these days, but it just seems completely and utterly pointless in every possible way.  MMORPGs never have any point other than to gain as many levels as you can and then show everyone how cool you are by sharing your character sheet with them, which is lame as hell.  If I felt like I needed to prove myself that badly to strangers I would just go whip out my dong in the middle of Downtown Crossing or something.  I like games that have a beginning and an end, so I at least have some clue as to what the hell I'm supposed to be doing.  Xbox Live games on the other hand usually just degenerate into a bunch of jackasses calling each other "fag" and murdering their own teammates.  I've got better ways to waste my time.  It's not that I don't enjoy multiplayer games... I just prefer it when I'm sitting in the same room as the people I'm playing with.  It makes trash-talking that much easier.



Understanding the Awesometer



I'll be rating the games on this site using the Awesometer.  Just for review, here's how the scoring works:

  • 0 is the midpoint score.  This means that the game didn't really effect me one way or the other - it's not bad per se, but it's not really all that good either.  It means I didn't really take a whole lot away from it and I probably wouldn't recommend it as anything other than a mindless thing to play if you've got some spare time.  In a word, "meh".

  • -1 to -5 is for games that sort of suck.  They're decent games, but you're not going to be enriching your life at all by sinking a couple hours into them.  I would equate this score range to getting it on with a moderately unattractive girl - it's still fun, but if you were given other options you would probably take them instead.

  • -6 to -10 games are usually just bad, and not bad in a good way.  These games usually will have such horrible design issues that they are more or less unplayable or a concept that makes you want to stab your eyes out or something else that makes the entire experience relatively hellish.  If you're looking for a bad game that's still humorous or fun or at least has some sort of redeeming quality, you're in the wrong place.  Stay away from these.

  • +1 to +5 are good games that fall just a little shy of greatness.  They are enjoyable, fun and usually warrant a purchase or at least a rental, and will keep you entertained for hours.  These games will of course have their issues, but on the whole they're a solid pickup if you've got some spare cash and are looking for something fun to do that doesn't involve downloading porn.

  • +6 to +10 is reserved for games that you absolutely must have in your collection.  These are the ones that you will pick up and be completely consumed by because they're so badass they'll blow your hair to the back of the auditorium.  I can promise you now that I'm not going to be like those gaming sites that give every piece of crap ever created a score between 7.5 and 9.8, so when you see something ranked this high you can see that I am serious.