Saw is kind of like Seven, without good acting, good writing, a coherent plot, or an overarching theme:  in short, everything that made Seven a good movie.  Saw opens with two guys trapped in a nasty bathroom, and chained to the pipes.  They soon discover they're at the mercy of the "Jigsaw Killer," a psychopath who devises ways for his victims to murder themselves.  He apparently does it to teach his victims to "appreciate life," but beyond that his motives remain unexplored.  The movie then proceeds to its ridiculously arbitrary double twist ending through 90 minutes of muddled flashbacks, meaningless revelations, and random idiocy.

Who wrote this crap?  Since there's no real rhyme or reason to anything the killer does, the plot is constructed around a series of Nine Inch Nails video-esque death-traps, which are once again derivative of Seven, but without any sort of unifying principle.  They also lift a bunch of little touches from the great Italian horror director Dario Argento, without having the balls to do something truly Argento-style crazy like flip the camera upside down for no good reason, or end the movie by having the killer turn out to a razor-wielding chimp.  There is, however, some pointless fast motion (which everyone likes, because it's funny), and what I'm sure the writers thought of as clever dialogue.  My favorite examples:  "What's my name?  Right now my name is pretty fucking confused!"  and "It's the most fun I've had without lubricant."  Also nice is the scene, which introduces and draws attention to two characters solely for the purpose of reintroducing them at the end for the shocking twist.

Of course good acting would be wasted on this great flaming crapwagon of a movie, so I suppose it doesn't really matter that the entire cast sucks a fat one.  Although Cary Elwes' screaming and moaning during the amputation scene makes for the second funniest self-amputation in movie history, behind Bruce Campbell cutting off his own hand with a chainsaw and screaming "Who's laughing now?" in Evil Dead II.  But that scene was supposed to be funny.

Man, does this movie suck.  Recommended for anyone out there who's been dying to see a crappy Seven rip-off with an M. Night Shyamalan who-gives-a-fuck-if-it-makes-any-sense twist ending.