Alien

Vs.

Predator

I feel it's appropriate to start this franchise off with one of the most well-known, knee-to-the-groin geek dilemmas of all time:  one on one, who is ultimately the more destructive, merciless sci-fi monster?  Which of these two entities would survive a duel in the CAGE OF DEATH??

A Case for the Alien:

Geiger's Xenomorph is the epitome of murderous terror and soulless parasitism.  Just look at that fucker;  he/she/it is a sickening, twisted parody of the human form... albeit with fangs, a tongue with a second mouth (wtf?), and acid for blood.  Starting life as a crablike parasitoid, the Alien will seek out a host to subdue and impregnate.  It will suffocate the creature (keeping it in a catatonic state) and deposit an egg in the host's chest cavity.

The Alien gestates for a while until it's mature enough to be "born" from its host.  Let's just say the results aren't too pretty - even by B movie standards.

The creature then grows rapidly into the beast we know and love, and scares the living shit out of Sigourney Weaver for 3 full sequels.

Besides being a weapon more lethal than Mel Gibson's anti-Semitism, perhaps the most deadly thing about the Alien is its adaptability. Since its host determines what perversion of in/human life it will assume, the Xenomorph can survive in literally any kind of environment and assume any form it needs to.  I sure as fuck wouldn't want to be stuck in a low-budget 80's movie with these monsters.

Game over, man.  Game over.

A Case for the Predator:

"You are one ugly motherfucker."

Contrasted to the Alien's bestial aggression (and ubiquitous slime), the Predator is a sort of honorable hunter who favors surgical precision over raw fury.  Technological prowess over acid blood.  The Predator can use its hardcore technology to bend light around itself, and become completely invisible to its prey.  It can hunt down various species with absolute precision by using its helmet's thermal vision technology.

The Predator isn't averse to using its plasma weaponry to rain fire and death around Arnold and his comrades in arms, either.  Fucking sweet.

"By Krom!  My re-election campaign!"

The Predator is a silent, efficient and brutal hunter.  It strikes from the shadows, and unerringly finds its prey like an overdue child support notice.  Plus, it kicked the crap out of the Governor of California and threw him around like a Bavarian rag doll.  How many of us can claim that?

The Winner:
Alien

Maybe this is just my bias showing, but the Alien is the superior monster.  Why, you ask?  Well for one, the Alien is not constrained by any concept of honor like the Predator is.  Pregnant woman;  quadriplegic;  bright-eyed puppy dog - the Alien will kill what it has to kill, and then kill some more.

Secondly, the Predator's cloaking advantage is kinda moot, considering that the Alien doesn't even have eyes.  It locates its prey by smell and by tracking down its chemical pheromones.

Now granted, the Predator's badass energy weapons could liquefy the Alien faster than it takes Michael Moore to eat a big Mac.  But then again, the Colonial Marines from the Aliens movie had some pretty badass weaponry too;  they got eviscerated (and impregnated!).  So there goes the Predator's firepower advantage.

One on one, considering that the Predator's two main strengths - firepower and stealth - would be irrelevant, and equally considering the Alien's unnatural dexterity and speed (and let's face it - acidic blood), the victor is clear.  Lacking a conscience, an individual ego, or any semblance of eyeballs, the Xenomorph is this week's uncontested winner in the CAGE OF DEATH.