Hello my legions of fans. I'll get round t writign a proper update soon, I need to talka bout a load of feminists I annoyed recently at university, how I am the secretary some weeks for my anarchist socity, how much ass I kick on my course and these bunch of obnoxious fags I laughingly call my roomates. Oh, and this guy called "Science boy" Who is now officaly JAck Shannon's Sidekick. I took a phot of him with my didgital camera and upgraded it bellow.

You see, wheras my catchphase is "Jogging is for girls" (being an Oscar Wilde Esque feet of witisisum) His is "I love COCK!"

While anyway, while I was reading my emails I cma across one entitled "Your hilarious website!!!!!" While first I cna be forgiven for asuming it was simply another woman wanting to show me pictures of her pissing in a jar then throwing the jar allover herself while she wears a Jack Shannon mask^TM, this proved to be somthing all together more irating....

JAkc shannon paused for a moment, masaging his temples in thought. "Hmmm..." Said our manly hero while considering his next move. I wrote the following:

"Dear Richard. Frist of all may I point out the irony of your name being a synonm for dick, as in a man's cock. The irony coming from the fact that your cock is the size of a baby's. As a profesional baby photogrpaher. You probably thought that was a peadohile joke! Showing how sick you are when (IRONY AGAIN!)you yourself are a peadophile. I decoded the hidden message in your email:

Dear VIKING WARRIOR,

I recently perused your website, entitled "Jack Shannon: WhIpping asses and punching erect objects."

The first thing to hit me was your obvious attempts to copy overpoweringLy- queer Internet faggot MaddOx - Was this done while you masturbated over your compete set of Lego pirates, or the pictures of Barbara Streisand in her 'glory' days? (Not 'glory hole', you filthy shit).

The second serendipitous moment that enVelopEd my Being while digesting the digital desperAtion that lay Before me was when I realised that the question was not 'Is the creator of this site a virgin?', but was 'Just how much of a virgin is the creator of this site, measured in Cliff Richards?'

AnywaY, I will get to the point of my email now - If you paypal me £50 I will give you tips on how to have sex with fat girls.4 They might not work, but I found them scribbled inside a Kentucky fried Chicken burger bOx so I guess somebody got luCKy.

Best wishes,
Nigel

PS you love men"

If you get the letter I highlighted you get the clear message "I LOVE BABY COCK". Nice try kiddie fiddler on the roof, but your subconcious excebitionisum gave you away! (THANK YOU VIKING FREUDIAN PYCHOSEXUAL ALAYSIS SKILLS!)

1. Yes. Me and Maddox are lovers, I am fisting him right now and waiting for the blood to ooze out of his anus so I can drink it in a challis. AT LEAST HE'S OF THE AGE OF CONCENT YOU SICK FUCK!

2. I do not have the complete set of lego pirates, only the normal pirates and not the spansih galleon. However, this situation will soon be rectified when your mum gets round to paying her tab after all the sexual favours I did. I am still pikcing hair out mt teeth. Lets jsut say your mum's beaver sure loves wood....

3. No need for the sex tips chum (see point 2)! Oh, and if your refering to Ben, he regualarly plesures Andrea till she cries with pain. (or Joy, I can't tell with women.)

4. You love children. I think thats a bit worse than loving men. I win. You have Ancer! (ancer isa new disease tha tis a cross between aids and cancer that I jsut made up. It is worse than both of them put together.)"