Take shelter under a desk or a sturdy table.

This is what happens when you download porn at work.  God smites your hedonistic ass by trying to drop shit on your head.

Also, it seems like every time you get under the desk at work to try and fellate yourself, shit starts exploding and pieces fall out of the ceiling.  Or maybe this guy is just leaning over and kissing his ass goodbye, confident in the knowledge that he's totally just been pwned by terrorists.

Exit the burning building as quickly as possible.  Do not use elevators.

If for some strange reason you manage to escape the wrath of God, understand that you are tempting fate like in that movie Final Destination where those kids tempt fate so fate decides to run them over with a bus and then have the bus catch on fire, explode, sink into a swamp and then blink out of existence.  This guy sure seems to be taking his damn time getting to the exit door, and that's because he knows that he's totally fucked.  Even if he gets out, it's only a matter of time.

Check for fire and other hazards.  Take your emergency kit if time allows.

If you see any of that crazy shit on the left, make sure to carry your white box with a red plus sign on it towards them, because red + beats biohazard, exclamation point and fire almost every time.  It's like rock-paper-scissors.

Crawl low in smoke.

Insert obscene fart joke here.

Use a wet cloth to cover your nose and face.

Especially if you are the terrorist who set the bombs off.

Seriously though, this guy looks like he's fucking possessed or something.  He's got those crazy fucking demonic glassy iris-less eyes and he's apparently frothing at the mouth so much that it's dripping through to the other side of the cloth.  He's like Cujo the Surgeon or something.

"This is going to hurt you a lot more than it's going to hurt me..."

Use the back of your hand to feel the lower, middle and upper parts of closed doors.  If the door is not hot, brace yourself against the door and open it slowly.  Do not open the door if it is hot.  Look for another way out.

The first panel demonstrates the correct way to karate chop the door off of it's hinges in case you don't have access to a fireman's hatchet.  Just concentrate until your hand is glowing and then give it three good chops.  It looks like it also helps to ram your body up against the door a couple times to soften it.  The third panel indicates that you shouldn't do this if the door is on fire though, because you will probably hurt your hand and/or die.

Use appropriate fire exits, not elevators.  If you catch fire, do not run!  Stop, drop and roll.

Thank God that first panel shows you the proper way to successfully leave a room by not using the elevator.  I was really confused before by that picture of the elevators with the huge "No" sign superimposed on them, but this diagram really helps clear things up for me because I'm fucking retarded and have a nail in my brain.

The second and third panels illustrate how to "be awesome".  They do a good job of demonstrating the fact that if you catch yourself on fire and run around like a fucking madman who doesn't even give a shit that he's got six-foot tall flames coming off of him, the people around you will think you're so completely unassailably awesome that they will fall to their knees and start convulsing in sheer ecstasy of how much you rule.

Do not go back into a burning building and carefully supervise small children.

Fire BAAAAAD!

Please note, however, that you are under no circumstances allowed to enter a burning building for the purposes of carefully supervising small children.  You may only re-enter burning buildings for the following reasons:

1. Moving the laundry from the washer to the dryer
2. Making a sandwich
3. Roasting marshmallows
4. Getting a good picture of yourself running through fire
5. Impressing your friends
6. Rescuing your Playstation
7. Punching somebody
8. Learning to read
9. Karate chopping doors
10. Brushing your teeth

If possible, use a flashlight to signal your location.  Avoid unnecessary movement so that you don't kick up dust.  Cover your nose and mouth with anything you have on hand.  Dense weave cotton material can create a good filter.  Try to breathe through the material.

Good work, douchebag.  Now you're fucking trapped under some rocks and shit.  Remember not to fart under there, and be sure to use your flashlight to keep the gray fog of death from overtaking you.  Also, do your best to avoid being subjected to excruciating medical torture at the hands of Doctor Lucifer.  He is coming for you.

Tap on a pipe or wall so that rescuers can hear where you are.  Use a whistle if one is available.  Shout only as a last resort - shouting can cause a person to inhale dangerous amounts of dust.

While you're stuck under a bunch of rocks waiting for a slow death from starvation and/or dehydration, you can still have some fun by waving your flashlight around and pretending it's a lightsaber.  If some of your friends are stuck nearby you can start a two-man acapella and slide-whistle skinhead punk band or play a fun game like Marco Polo.