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Update 7 April 2006 by Jack Shannon, Viking Warrior
Jack Shannon has been sending out emails during his recent vacation to Florida. In addition to buying leather hats and hacking up joggers with his broadsword, his steed of choice has been the Pontiac Montana. This is the email he sent me to tell me about it.
Ok, Now on to the car that we have rented. Basicaly cars in america are designed for one thing and one thing only- Kicking ass. I thought the best way to describe this would be in a comersial that I would design for it.
(An idealic meddow, a deer scampers by, it falls to one knee to smell a flower as its mother comes by to lick its face)
Voiceover: FEAR ME! FOR I AM YOUR APOCOLYPSE!(the screen explodes and instantly goes white while dolby suround sound tears you a new eardrum while Paranoid by black Sabath seams to leap out your sound system and punch you in the balls! we switch snap cut to a slow motion shot of the Pontiac Montana big-freckin'-poeple carrier tearing across the sky line and rearing up in front of the sun, its flaming wheels promising an eturnity of pain for those that would defy it! It stops being slow-mo and it crashes to the gound oto a lndscape of scorched earth)
Voiceover: The Pontiac Montana...(we see a shot of a redwood for a split secod until the vehicle thunders though it, covering everything in bits of tree)
voiceover: Nature bows before it-
(The Pontiac Montana runs over stone henge, killing the druids inside)
Voice: Hippie-Wiccan douche-bags fear it!
(the Pontiac Montana screches to a halt after doing a barral roll)
Voice over: The Pontiac Montana....
(a huge gorund of hot women atempt to stroke and massage the car while telling it how manly it is)
voice over: The Jack Shannon of automobiles......Buy one now! Or peiople will qustion your sexuality.... Pontiac Montana.
(we see a shot of the run over deer and child covered in tire tracks with the ocasion bit of flame.)
Pontiac Montana. Even the name sounds manly. So it uses enough petrol to keep the united Arab emerates inpower for the next five years, so what if every time you turn the egnesion key it makes a species extint...Its MANLY. With a capital MAN.
Oh, and the day before yesterday me and my kinfolk went to Black Angus. Put it this way, the first thing Leif the Lucky, the first viking to discover america did when he got there was to slap his crew for being such sisses and get himself to a damm Black Angus for the best damm steak in the world. They aren't just manly. The're jack Shannon manlyTM. (Black Angus may want to use that as as logan if they want...)
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