Aparently (Ben hasn't forlwarded me the emails becease he's a shit biscuit) some of you have requested a Jack mask so you can be like me on Hallowen becuse you worship me as you god.  So you should and you should be willing to perform indecent acts upon my body at my slightest whim.

Most people think I'm great, and yes they are probably right becuse I'm wonderful and the chicks love me and my hot body and as I walk past seats dampen.  Thats right... cream yourself....

But first of all, you must ask yourself, are you worthy to look like me?  I don't want a load of cissies pretending to be me on Hallowen and then have people come up to me and say "Hey, aren't you that guy who had sexual liasons with a goat on Hallowen?"

I was going to write a quiz but frankly I can't be arsed so I will just ask any wiccan-metrosexual-girly-men to look away now and stop being such pussies and grow a pair.

Jack paused for a moment while writing this article.  Surely he wasn't small minded enough to turn this into another rant about wicca and those silly enough to practice it.  Surely he was mature enough to let sleeping dogs lie and stop flogging a dead horse ect. 

"Perhaps it was time to write in a more mature style. Perhaps its time to concetrate on real social issues and try and combat world capitalisum and bring about a socail utopia where people can live in harmony with nature creatres"

Jack thought for a while. and then said..."THE CHICKS CREAM FOR JACK SHANON!" and continued.

Wicaa relly pisses me off.  Bunch of piss midget arse-bandits if you ask me....which you should as I have hunf from the tree of wisdom for 9 days and pucked out one of my eyes in exchange for a drink from the well of knowledge.  Or that might have been Odin.  I can't quite remember.  Either way that was one hell of a night...

Anyway back to the article.

To dress up as jack you will need-

• a big knife- for cutting shit.
• an authentic pair of Jack Shannon underpants with real Jack Shannon Catchphases.
• Viking gear, perfect for kicking ass.
• pair of historicaly acurate night vision goggles for looking cool.
• a marrow and a a pair of basket balls, becuse lets face it. We can't all be Jack shannon.
• an officially-licensed printable Jack Shannon Mask.

Thats about it.

Jack had finished writing his article, he sat back in his chair and puffed a large cigar made from the flayed skin of feminists who had pissed himoff earlier that morning.  Then, using his pectorals muscles he typed out some more stuff on his computor.

By the way.  Jack Shannon Viking warrior has recently aquired some Chain Mail.  But what does this mean to you, the lesser mortals, those who's lives are, to be honest less inportant than mine.  Some people are better than others, (for example, men are better than women by default.)  and I am better than everyone else. You want feminist empowerment?  I've got your feminst empowerment right here bitches!

This article has drifted off so wildly...God I need a drink....