So a while ago I did an update called "Tales of Jack Shannon", where I created an update by pasting together a string of insane emails I had received from my viking warrior friend in England.  Well this seemed to be a rousing success amongst the three people who actually read this website, and as such I have decided to post another similar update;  Partly because I'm really really lazy, and partly because I'm afraid Jack will have his viking friends murder me to death if I don't put something he wrote up here soon.  Anyways, here are some more Tales of Jack Shannon... just remember that I don't take credit for anything here except for this opening paragraph and my awesome Photoshop of Josef Stalin as a flamboyantly gay runway model.

Screw amazing Ben!  I says its time for some more hypothetical death matches!

Quite often in between bouts of awesome Viking activities I think to myself.  "Damm I'd like to have sex with Jennifer Anniston."  It would be awesome.  But that's beside the point.  The point is that I am the world's best person everer!

Jack Shannon, Viking Warrior Ass kicker extrodinaire	VS.	Stalin Ass licker extrodinaire. Has a Moustache.  Homosexual undertones.
Jack Shannon is the ultimate in awsomeness and sheer swordery.  According to St maddox, Gawd of bad websites swordery is like sorcery but with swords.  Now I may be a bit biased while writing this but I think its safe to say that I am great at everything.  Everyone wishes they where me, I rule. Stalin is often compared parelly to Hitler, and like Hitler is a chump-ass bitch.
Winner:  ME. I think the pictures explain everything.

Pete Tong Is a DJ	VS.	Dali Lama looks like a child molester.
I don't know who in the blue hell Pete Tong is, but I offered to have him beat up the Dali Lama in exchange for Joe Giaffreda (he's Italian)'s help in editing that picture of Stalin to look gay [ed:  This picture was by Amazing Ben... the version mentioned here never made it into the email he sent].  Still Pete Tong is a pretty cool name I guess.  And he looks really intense.  As if he's just about to eat a baby or something. Man that would be awesome.
Winner:  ME. Who the hell does the Dali Lama think he is?  Going around smiling all the time like a pussy!  "OOOHH! Everyone feel sorry for me!  My country is being occupied!  I was too much of a chum-ass bitch to stop the Chinese army by myself using only a broadsword and a small dog like that stud muffin Jack Shannon would have done so everyone give me money to spend on hookers!" Now most people don't think I could beat the entire Chinese army on my own, but I could.  So there.  Now you know better.

Mr. Zadi College professor. Italian.	VS.	Elton John Tacky former cocaine addict
Mr Zadi is A teacher at my college who is on this list because I am struggling to think of people.  He didn't object too much to being on this list so that makes him pretty cool.  He is however a communist and a Marxist left winger commie Red.  I'm not sure how true that is but I'm guessing probably.  I once heard him say that he reads the guardian.  For all you Yankees out there the guardian is a left wing broadsheet read by intellectuals and communist sypaphisers.  I once offered him a brownie.  He took two. Elton "The living legend" John is the grandmaster pimp daddy of the hardcore field of mellow easy listening.  Dispute being gay there is nothing remotely gay about a guy who gives all the profits from his CDs to AIDS charities and spends so much of his time just being fabulous.  Oh there is one thing gay about him and thats the fact he has sex with men.
Winner:  ME. This bout would start with Mr Zadi trying to evaluate Elton John and put him in his socio and historical context.  Then Elton John would whip out a damm 9mm and go crazy old school all over his jive turkey MF electric blanket ass.  Taking cover behind the large interactive whiteboard the senior management team bought him in exchange for not leaving to a decent school, the bullets would fly over Zadi's head, causing Elton John to have a hissy fit.  Then I would enter and eat them all up like the wolf in little red ridding hood.  Except I killed the wood-cutter and stole his monocle.  Damm I rock something fierce.

To conclude their are many other people I could write about me kicking there ass but I don't have time as I have to I have to snort some cocaine off of a hookers ass.  GOOD BYE!!!!.......... 8=======> <0>

please put these articles to where they corespond with de pictures.

for the stain pictures where it says "I think this picture explaines everything" I editied him to look as if he was wearing a biker cap ans leathers.  For Mr Zadi use a picture of a rubber duck.  For eltron john use a picture that makes him look tacky.  For me use my "Jogging is for girls" picture.  The Dali Llmama is laughing and pete tong looks extreame and hardcore.

You just have to do some worek yourself!  THE PC WON@T LET ME EMAIL THE PICS.

I may be treading on dangerous ground here but frankly I don't care becuse when your as awsome as I am you don't have to folloe the rules of "socity" and "the man" or "personal hygine".  I am not only a man's man.  But a MAN'S man's man's man.  And as grmaticaly incorect as that is, its pretty damm manly.  Anyway, here are some reasons why I would make a better fience than Andrea.

1. Jack Shannon is a viking

   Well no acualy I'm Jewish, but thats beside the point.  I am a viking in spirit and no-one embodies the viking way more than me (No-one at the group has ever explained what the viking way accualy is but I'm sure is am it personifiyed.)  I am a master of stratagy and have completed Dungeon Keeper 2 with only a fairly medium amount of cheat codes and I did a fair bit of damage to quite a few people in a LARP once.  Damm I'm hardcore.

2. In the event of a post apocoliptic emegency Jack can be relied upon to forge weapons of meleenuss. i.e weapons that can be used in melee.

   a few sundays ago I re-shafted my spear onto a 6 foot solid oak stave, that is 1/2 inches thick and bound it with leather and authentic Viking twine which makes it totaly hardcore and makes it own absolutely every other spear in the world.  What could Andrea do in the event of a sudenlt Viking reenactment based emegency?  I'll tell you?  PISS ALL!  Well she could before plesureful acts upon the menfolk to inprove morale but thats about it.  Not htat I'm saying shes a slut, just that she would have sex with an entire army is she had the chance.

   Ben being a real man keeps her chained to the bed.  Which is conviniently geographicaly located next to the sink, opersite to the stove.  Where a woman should be. 

   Either that or in the field killing animals to put in a pie.

   Meat pies are awsome.

3. Jack has magical powers.

   It has to be said.

4. Jack's skills at media studies is beyound comprehtion and his editing skills are infinate in their awsomeness.

   I am without a doubt the best film editior and media studies student at my crappy school, which I am only there becuse of A. C. and other hot chicks.  My media studies teacher was like "Mamma Mia! I lika de Jack shannon!  He isa de besta editor and his skills at editing are the best in the land!  He is far better at editing than those loosers Alision, Danial and Lee! They suck!"

   At this point Mr Zadi went of on his scooter to kill some sqwiwils and do other streotypical Italian things.

5. Jack looks good in a ballgown. Seriously.

   In my great and esteamed acting carrerr In pantomime (a funny british play style, traditionaly performed at christmas time where Men play women and vice versa.  Plot is based arouind a fairy tale with the adition of well known popular songs and new haracters;  humor is ranging from saucy word play to slapstick comedy. Gawd you yanks are stupid), I played a ugly sister in "Cinderella" and was so convincing that people acualy asked about my gender.  Damm i'm a good actor.  See as well as being your wife in secret I couls also inpersonate Andrea in public.  Espionage.  Somthing else to add to my list of things that I rule at.  Its a long list.

   Well I could easily o on but I need to eat a cactus or soon my eyeballs will explode.  goodnight you gay.

   ---

   
   Jack Shannon Responds to My Posting of "George 'The Bitch' Washington" as the Badass of the Week

   how the hell is some slave owning, wooden teeth having "accualy born is bosworth hall england but everyone says he was raised in virginia" punk ass wig weain', armpit shavin' nancy boy more badass than me?

   
   
   

   Links of the Week: Pictures of Walls Name That Candy Bar

   
   
   

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