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| Update 28 May 2004 by Amazing Ben |
| -- I'm Still the Hottest Ben Thompson -- |
| A couple of months ago I made the bold claim that I was the most attractive Ben Thompson in history and I attempted to back this up with conclusive and irrefutable evidence. However, some time has passed since then and come people are beginning to voice their doubts as to the legitimacy of my lofty claim. Well, since I cant think of anything better to write about this week I will provide you with even more proof that I am the pinnacle of years of Ben Thompson evolution and the standard of hotness for all those who bear my name. First though, in website news I have added more search terms as well as a map illustrating the fact that people flock to this website from all corners of the globe to get a weekly dose of Amazing Ben goodness. Either that or they accidently hit my site while looking for porn. I knew it was a good idea to write an update that translated "suck my cock" into fifteen languages! I know you're all looking forward to this, so here we go. |
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| Ben Thompson the Commercial Account Manager: Last time I did this I discovered a disturbing trend wherein the overwhelming majority of Ben Thompsons suffered from a receding hairline. This one is no different. This guy is a commercial account manager for some company somewhere in the world. I wasn't really paying attention to the website because I was kind of pressed for time when I wrote this and I know how you guys bitch when my updates are late. Now, I don't really know what a commercial account manager is but one of the prerequisites must not be physical attractiveness because I am definitely hotter than this Ben Thompson. |
| Ben Thompson the Deceased: This guy isn't going to be wearing much of anything anymore since he is dead. From the looks of this tombstone he was probably another totally badass Ben Thompson from decades gone by, much like the gunfighter Ben Thompson from last time. This guy was a Master Sergeant from Texas who served in the Infantry in World War II and the Korean War, and from the looks of the dates he was probably killed in action in Korea. This leads me to believe that this guy was hard as nails and could have probably kicked the crap out of me if I wasn't a master of kung-fu. Either way, he's no longer on this Earth so I am obviously hotter than this Ben Thompson by default. |
| Ben Thompson the Non-Profit Webmaster: Speaking of good dressers, who is this total heartthrob? When I go out looking like this teenage girls follow me around shrieking, feinting and throwing their undergarments at me because they can't believe that they're actually meeting the world-famous webmaster whose stunning good looks and reputation precede him. I mean seriously. I'm tearing up a little bit just looking at how hot I am in this picture. That's probably why I get like a thousand marriage proposal emails an hour from attractive women all over the country and why I can't go anywhere without chicks taking their shirts off. I mean, who would contest the fact that I am the hottest Ben Thompson? |
| Ben Thompson the Professor: I really don't have anything to go on here, but this guy looks like the kind of professor who will tell you he's "a cool guy" on the first day of class and then turn out to be a total hardass for the rest of the semester. Like he'll be totally cool as long as nobody pisses him off or disagrees with him at all. I don't know what it is, but that's just the feeling I get. Also, I forget what he's a professor of... I think it's Business or Economics or something. One thing I have noticed about all these Ben Thompsons is that for the most part they certainly are snappy dressers. I'll give the basketball player a break unless of course he just wore his jersey to the photo shoot for the hell of it. Either way, the point here is that I am hotter than this Ben Thompson. |
| Ben Thompson the Basketball Player: As a Guard/Forward for the Perth Wildcats in Australia's National Basketball League (NBL), this Ben Thompson averaged eight points and five rebounds per game last year and shot 37% from the three-point line. He was a runner-up for the Most Improved Player award last year and was in the running for Rookie of the Year in 1997. He was born in Wales (Thompson with a P in it is Welsh, the English Thompson's don't have a P) and seems to be another victim of the overly high forehead. It seems that he is trying to do something about it by going with the Amazing Ben haircut but it doesn't work as well as it does on me. That's because I am way hotter than this Ben Thompson. |
| Ben Thompson the Director: This Ben Thompson is a big-time Hollywood director and is probably responsible for several movies that may or may not have screened somewhere near you. According to the Internet Movie Database there are like three or four Ben Thompsons in the movie business and I don't really know which one this is so I couldn't tell you what he's done. I think this picture is from some awards show that he won something at though. I guess he's a pretty good director then because it definitely wasn't an award for being the hottest Ben Thompson since I totally have this guy beat in that department. Maybe because my hair is its natural color and I never wear my glasses even though I'm supposed to. |
| Well, there you have it - further proof. Not that you needed it. Anyways, I will be off in my little egocentric world for the next couple of days contemplating the mysteries of life and reflecting on how totally awesome I am, and I suggest that you do the same. Be sure to come back next week for another heaping dose of Amazing Ben-filled megalomania. Or maybe a Hot Andrea update. We will have to see how things unfold. |
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| Ben Thompson: My Stupid Website. |
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